Things you may. Or may not know about me

Well I’m borrowing Gita’s idea. I say borrow because she said I could. lol


Things you my or may not know about me.

Some of this may or may not be things you already know about me. And you may or may not learn from the list. Either way I’m sharing it.

I have some strange OCD thing I guess you would call that makes me count everything. Sometimes it drives me nuts. I find myself counting how many tiles in a room, how many steps as I walk down them. Still stuff like that on a daily basis.

When I was in third grade my teacher didn’t think my mom and dad took very good care of me. I often had dirty cloths and I didn’t have very many cloths to begin with. She had a niece a year older than I was and got lots and lots of cloths from her. Every day when I would get to school she would pull me into the bathroom and make me change out of my cloths into the nice cloths she had for me. I did this for months. She told me I couldn’t tell my mom and dad. One day we had a field trip and I got off the bus and realized I still had the new cloths on. I went into our garage. Got my cloths out of my bag and changed. I stuffed the cloths I was wearing into a bail of hay in the garage. A few days later my mom found it. She was pissed and she asked me where it came from. I told her and she tried to have the teacher fired. It was a very traumatic time for me. And something I rarely have ever shared.


When I was 10 I accidentally started a fire in the saw mill next to our house. I used to sneak over there all the time. They had a large gas tank over there and I played with it a bit not realizing what I was doing. Or maybe I did and it was a cry for help. Either way I started a fire. The police suspected it was me. They made my dad bring me in and question me. My dad said “my daughter is a very good kid. She would never do that.” They asked me questions. I told them I couldn’t have done it I was watching my sisters outside for my mom that day. Really I was home alone with my sisters. They where all playing when I did it. I got away with it. They believed me and my dad. And to this day I don’t think my dad knows I did it. Although if one of my sisters read this they might nark me out.

I usually feel like I’m way too normal. Just like everyone else. So I always find myself striving to find something that is just mine. And when others like to do things that I do I tend to feel like I just lost what made me who I am. I know deep down that’s silly but I still feel it from time to time. And I’m still looking for that thing that is just mine. I don’t think I will ever find it. But I’ll never stop looking either.

I used to get picked on a ganged up on in School. And because of that and the fact that I only had two pairs of pants I dropped out of school at 16. I don’t regret doing that because its part of whom I am today. But if I could have seen more clearly back than I wouldn’t have dropped out of school.

I feel like of all my friends I’m the person who is stupid. I’m not as intelligent as they are. And I don’t think I ever will be. So it makes me stay out of some conversations I could be part of other wise.

My spelling and grammar is terrible (see 6). So I hate it if anyone watches me type. I find the fact of people correcting my spelling and grammar while I’m writing just makes me want to cry. It makes me feel really stupid and feeds my insecurity about that.

I think I could be a death and grieving councilor since I have lost so many people I have loved.

I secretly (or not so much now) want to sing in public. Not sure why. Don’t think I have a very good voice. But some part of me wants to perform in public.

I have not done it in a bit. But I used to take scolding hot showers when I was upset with myself for something. To the point my skin would be all pink and I would cry from the pain. Once I was to the point I would cry I would get out of the shower. I have not felt the need to do that in over a year now. Thanks to those in my life who have made me feel better about myself.

I often feel like I let people down and can’t seem to find that place where I can say I didn’t. I don’t feel I contribute enough when it comes to family and friends.

When I was a teenager I used to make up whole dances to songs. Memorize them and do them over and over till I had them down just the way I wanted. Than I would do them in front of my friends. Don’t ask me to do that anymore.

When no one is home but me (a rare thing) I dance around the house. Turn the tunes on and sing as loud as I can.

I think that I would die if I couldn’t hear music. I really mean that. I would wither like a flower and just die.

My favorite colors are royal purple, and cobalt blue. But my favorite colors together are red, Black and purple. So I made them my company colors.

One of my favorite things to do. And I still sneak off and do it from time to time is to lay on the grass and a warm breezy day and get lost in the clouds and make things out of them. So if you can’t find me. I might be in the clouds

I feel this overwhelming need to leave my mark in the earth.

I feel very drawn to Fire and Water. I love to play with fire. And water balances me and gives me visions

I have a great understanding of the term, I seen my life flash before my eyes. In 1987 I was in an accident. Feel asleep at the wheel around 4am after work. Rolled into the median and when I pulled myself out the front tire on my van blew which made the Van jerk and I ended up going up an embankment and rolling the van. I was trapped inside. With hot water and gas pouring on me. I was all twisted inside and I was loosing enough blood that it was dripping out the windshield when I was found. I couldn’t feel my legs and I was just about to go out when a voice called out. He was my angel. I’ll never forget it. I almost died that night. They said I was lucky to still be alive. They had to use the Jaws of Life to get me out. And yes I saw my life flash before my eyes. It’s very humbling.

I used to be a sleep walker. And a sleep talker. I don’t know I might still talk in my sleep you would have asked someone else.

I used to love cute things. Like kittens, and I even collected kitten statues. Thank gods I grew out of that. Now I don’t collect anything

Most things I do in my life. Art, photography. They are to make people proud of me. And one day I want to really go places with my photography.

My favorite candy are Necco hearts

I rarely can sit still. I have to be moving something. Toes or something.

I sometimes make funny faces in the mirror. I find it a distraction to looking at how I really look.

I suffer from Self doubt and self sabotage.

If I could have one unreal power. Teleportation.

I think I could write a book or movie based on my dreams

I often know a lot more things that are going to happen than I share with people for fear of people thinking it’s my fault it happened.

I often pretend to not know something just so I don’t have to share the info with my friends. I feel they always know it better than I do and I don’t like to sound stupid or be wrong out loud.

I hate that people think I’m mad when I’m not! It happens way too often and I sometimes write about it and cry because I don’t know what’s wrong with me that I come across like that.

I think I’m a burden

I love to help people but fear reaching out anymore.

When I die I want to be cremated. No funeral just party. Ding dong the witch is dead.

I like to wear wigs and freaky contacts and stuff. If I could I would do it all the time.

I want to learn the art of Shibari

I like lizards. I would like to own one again.

I used to be so shy that I would not talk to people.

I can shape shift. I have wings and know how to use them

I have a desire to be a Domme. I just don’t know how good I would be at it. So I let that hold me back.